Impact of Suffering

Dear Daddy,

When I look at you it makes me smile. You always smile back. You must be a very happy Daddy. I cry sometimes. I bet you never cried in your life, huh Daddy?

Your Son





Dear Son,


You might see me as a fountain of smiles right now but that is only because everything you do is cute! I've cried my fair share of tears though. Remember those essays I wrote to those people the other day? One of them was about this very thing. The people wanted me to tell them all about how an experience of suffering and loss effected my life. I think I'll share the story with you too:

The event of greatest suffering and loss, which led to adversity, that I have experienced in
my life actually occurred when I was ten-years old. At that age, my father died. The effects of this event would reverberate through the next twenty years of my life, to one extent or another.

Up until my father died I was an honor roll student with exemplary behavior. His death

brought with it a lot of anger and hatred toward my family and even God. I could not understand why he was taken from me and I would not be consoled. I was a child but looking back I can see that my behavior was self-destructive and selfish. My grades began to slip and I eventually failed the eighth grade. I went from listening to country music as a child to death metal as a young teen. I was in a very dark place and I believe I had convinced myself that it was what I deserved.

An unfortunate side effect of this behavior was the impact that it had on my two younger

sisters. They followed my lead and eventually became examples of the worst I had shown them. They both have grown into adults with their own lives but I can still see the impact of watching their big brother behave poorly.

My mother gave up on me early on and I honestly cannot say that I blame her for this initial
reaction. I truly made it difficult to love me. Jesus, though, makes it a habit out of loving the
unlovable and He would not let me wander in the darkness forever. All I needed to do was ask
him to light my path.

Looking back, I can see that God put people in my life to make sure I never went beyond

hope. They helped me deal with the anger I had stored up about my father’s death. I found that
the love of others is more powerful than hate and anger. My step-father, sisters, and wife have all shown me the power of this love.

Ultimately, what I have learned from the death of my father is that we were not built to

deal with pain and suffering alone. We need other people and Jesus Christ to help bear the
weight of the burden of grief. Never again will I allow myself to be crush by the weight of despair. I am not alone and I don’t need to act like I am.

So there you have it, my childhood recollection of that horrible time. Some of it may be altered from other's perceptions due to my viewing it through a child's eyes. This is how I remember it though and that makes it reality for me.

Your Father