I'm Gettin' Nuthin'

You big meanie!!!

Dear Son,

Did it bother you that your Mommy and I gave you no candy or presents on your first Easter? Are you afraid that all of us will have missed out on those memories forever?

Concerned,

Your Father

Dear Daddy,

I am only sixteen weeks old and don't even know who I am yet, let alone what a chocolate bunny is. I'd rather just play with my feet and suck on my hand than a ratty old stuffed animal anyway. Besides, my needs are simple and few: feed me, rest me, change me, play with me, hold me, and love me. Got it? Good.

As for the memories, do you remember YOUR first Easter...or second...or third? Thought not. I bet you will remember my first Easter though, even without the candy and presents. It is the one where you hid out all day playing playstation in order to avoid the chaos that is Holiday Family Dinner, right? I bet you will remember how Mommy held me all day and that I crashed hardcore when we got home too.

I wish I could have gotten some of the cool things my cousins did. Oh wait, no I don't. I'd rather just suck on my fist some more.

Don't worry about it, Daddy. The best memory you'll have about my first Easter is this: Laura Barton rocking me to sleep while Mommy smiled at watching you sing with the church choir. The song was Written In Red, wasn't it? Then, all of those people surrounding me after the service to hold me and hug me. They thought I was just the cutest thing. You and Mommy were so proud. Remember that? Yeah, that is the stuff worth remembering anyway. Not some silly little basket full of plastic grass.

Fist-suckingly Yours,

Your Son

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