You Can't Compare

No Comparison

Dear Dad,

Are you a better Christian than other people?

Your Son

Dear Son,

The most dangerous idea we can develop as Christians is that we are being "better" Christians than other people. Too often, we pick our choice of activity or behavior based on what we consider to be good as compared to the same as our family, friends, and fellow church-goers. We usually rationalize them with sentences that start with "At least I don't... ."

I'll give you a concrete example of what I mean:

While checking out the Facebook page of a person that attends our church, I noticed posts that were not what I would consider to be very "Christianly." Because this person is a well respected individual in the church, something interesting happened in my brain. I didn't think "Wow, that isn't very Christian." No, I thought "Well if he can do that, then I can do such and such." Bad, bad, bad.

Comparing your righteousness to another person's is like two cars in a junkyard debating which one is in a worse state of disrepair. Humans are broken and are not worthy to be compared to. Jesus is the perfect standard that you should aspire to emulate. But, here is the rub: you will never be perfect.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't try though. There is an old saying: If you reach for the stars, you will touch the moon every time. Reach for Jesus, reach with all your might. Reach high and don't bother bending over to pick up the "righteousness" of your fellow humans.

Your Father

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It Doesn't Matter by Shane Russo

Born this way or not?
That is a great debate.
A topic which has fostered
So much abhorrence and hate.
To "love each other" was the mandate,
Not "go, therefore, and judge his sin."
But we've somehow convinced ourselves
That it deserves comparison.
There is not one on earth who's clean,
Disgusting we are all within.
So who am I to tell another
That it is he whom has sinned?
So whether it is your sin is gay
Or that my sin is pride,
We all fall short of the glory of God
When looked upon inside.
But that is where the good news starts
No matter your sin or mine
We are both children of the Lord
And loved by the Great Divine.

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Relationship Status - Part 3

Oh Carmen,

The next one really boggles my mind: In an open relationship.

In an open relationship: An open relationship is one where both partners agree to be mutually disrespectful to the other's feelings. Okay, technically that isn't the definition, it is basically a sex thing, but the dynamics of romantic relationships make it so this type almost always ends with someone getting hurt, and it is easy to see why.

We were made to love one another, but not to have "relations" with every other human on the planet. The books Luke and Matthew refer to Jesus' command to treat others the way you would want to be treated, and no person I know wants to be treated like they are not good enough. That is what open relationships signify, that the main person in your life isn't enough to fulfill your needs. If this is the case, then maybe you just need to be in a different relationship, not and open one.

Open relationships hurt people. Do not hurt people....period. You will find that one special woman, but until you do, treat the interim women with respect and compassion. If you are being disrespected, remove yourself from the relationship. Not only will you feel better but you will also prevent yourself from becoming disrespectful in return.

Your Father

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Relationship Status - Part 2

Dear Carmen,

I promised you more advice on relationships, and trust me I've had a few. I'm going to skip around for the time being and cover It's Complicated. Because....well.....it's complicated. So much so that I think there will be a few more letters than the three that I promised.

It's Complicated: Relationships are sometimes hard work but they are never complicated unless you let them be. If you find yourself in a complicated relationship, ask yourself why. Complications within a relationship are usually a good sign that something isn't right, the relationship needs to be examined for its fruitfulness.

Your relationship with God is the same way, you will always be the reason for any complications. His love is deep and it is powerful, but it is straight forward. My relationship with God has gone through periods and various levels of complication, all of which were of my making. Any time the relationship got weird, it was because I pulled away, allowed anger to interfere, or just decided not to embrace His love.

If you find your relationship with Him is getting complicated, ask yourself what am I doing to make it so. Am I not listening? Am I pulling away from Him? Am I trying to things on my own? When you examine the relationship with a critical eye, you will surely see that the problem lays with your actions and heart and not with Him.

Your Father

Relationship Status - Part 1

Dear Carmen,

Relationships are interesting creatures. Entering them is easy but maintaining them and keeping them healthy is not. That requires intentional work. Hard work and lots of it. I'm breaking this letter into parts to make it easier for you to read. Im going to be using the picture to the left as a guide. The advice I am giving you applies to interpersonal relationships with people as much as it does to the most important relationship you'll have, your relationship with God.

Single: There are two things to note about the times in your life when you are single. First, being without a girlfriend does not mean you are without worth. Too many people think that they need to be with someone to be normal. This isn't true. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Second, you are never truly single because God is always with you. If you think that this isn't a real relationship, then I have failed you.

In a relationship: As previously mentioned, you are always going to be in a relationship with God. This relationship will grow and change as you change but it will be there regardless. Humans were created for relationships. If you choose to cast off all relationships, then you are casting off that which makes you human.

Engaged: To be engaged to a woman is a big deal. It signifies a commitment to one other person. Engagement is not marriage however and should not be treated as such. It is only an outward signal of commitment to the world and your fiancé. Marriage is the covenant between man and wife, not engagement. Do not dwell long in engagement. Instead, see it as a step toward bigger and better things.

As for being engaged with God, the word comes from a word meaning to pledge and that is what I want you to do for Jesus. Engage your heart and mind to Him and never look back. He protects your back as he guides your pathway forward.

More to come,

Your Father

 

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Deer Of Mortality

Dear Dad,

What is the big idea? I was sleeping peacefully and you woke me up by slowing the car down really fast! Plus, I think you gave Mommy a heart attack, if her breathing was a hint.

Your Son

Dear Son,

Simply put, we almost died. I came less than a foot from smashing into a deer at 70 miles per hour. There was a car to my left so a swerve in that direction would have meant hitting it. Swerving to the right would have meant hitting the deer as it crossed the highway from left to right, which is uncommon. They usually come from the trees on the right. All I could do was hit the breaks but not slam on them or else I probably would have lost control.

There is no way I should NOT have hit that deer. There are so many ways that situation could have gone differently, so many variables that altered would have meant a serious crash. I should have hit that deer. We should be dead...but we are not.

There is only one reason I can think as to why that is so: God is not finished with us yet. He still has work for all of us to do in this world. We have been given another chance to see that work through and I mean to see it done. I mean for you to see it done as well.

With Love

Your Father.

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Great-Grandma Carmel

Angela's Grandma: Carmel Galioto

Dear Daddy,

That lady in the picture is always asking to hold me. She bounces me up and down. Who is she? Why was she acting weird yesterday? Why did Mommy start crying?

Carmen

Dear Son,

That lovely lady is your Great-Grandmother, Carmel. You are named after her. She does love to hold you! Carmel is her name but to tell you who she IS would take many letters.

She is an amazing woman with an even more amazing history. I have known no person to express love and kindness the way she does. The smile in the picture is the most genuine expression I have known her to wear. I've said that she could have taught Mother Theresa lessons in niceness.

That makes what has been happening with her lately all the more upsetting. You see son, your Great-Grandma is in her 90s and when people get that old sometimes they start to forget things. We could see it coming in little spurts; a name forgotten here and a memory lost there.

But this past week has been different and the last two days worse than usual. At dinner last night, she announced that she thought it was time she went home because Jayne and Tony - you know them as Nina and Papa - might wonder where she was. She made this announcement TO Nina and Papa. When we tried to explain that she was already home and that she was eating dinner with Jayne and Tony, she insisted that she used to live there but she doesn't anymore. She said she couldn't stay there, she needed to go home right then.

Mommy started crying because it is hard for her to watch her Grandma forget who we all are. The worst part for Mommy is that she doesn't really know who I am or who you are anymore. She loves to hold you on her knee but it is because you are a cute baby and not because you are her great-grandchild. She had no idea who you were or that I was even your Daddy.

Mommy and I have made a decision: we are going to hug, kiss, and hold Great-Grandma every chance we have because we will not have that many more chances to do those things. Even though she does remember us, you and I are going to continue to let her bounce you on her knee all she wants. It breaks my heart but it brings her joy and that is really what matters, that she gets little nuggets of happiness by being around you.

I could really go on forever when it comes to this subject but know these truths: You will grow up knowing that Carmel Galioto was an amazing woman, that she was nicest human you will have ever personally known,  and that she may have forgotten our names and who we were but never the loves she showed us daily.

Your Father