Don't Call Me Broken

You Are Not Broken, Carmen.

Dear Carmen,

Some people throughout your life will tell you that you were born with a desire and nature to do evil, that you are flawed, and that you are broken. They will tell you that you need to be fixed in one way or another. You will have heard these things said, but I say to you that you were born with a loving and caring heart. A flawed diamond might be scuffed, but it is still a diamond. You are my diamond; beautiful and perfect. You were not born broken, Carmen.

If you have become broken, it was not because you were born into that state. You were born with a desire to seek wholeness. You long to break free of human limitations and to become more than you are, but that does not mean that you were broken. A perfect diamond is still a diamond even when it has become more after it has been set and made into a ring. The diamond was not flawed or valueless, but it became more than it was.

That is the difference between being broken and seeking wholeness. Seeking wholeness, I believe, comes from a desire to be closer to the original state of energy from which all things originate. I believe that God (whatever that looks like) initiated the complex beauty of the living organism. Even in that complexity, though, you are bound to the limitations of your human body. One day it will fade because flesh was not made to be permanent. Flesh exists as a state of energy; a state which enables you to be the self-aware creature you are.

One day you will die, and you will return to that original state of transcended consciousness. Some call that state Heaven. If the amount of energy in the world is constant, then God must exist in that energy. If that is true, then returning to that state will be a return to the presence of God. To be in Heaven is also to be in the presence of  God. If energy only changes states, then all the energy that has ever existed still exists today, which means God is here. Heaven is now.

You cannot have been born broken because energy is perfect, and you are energy in a perfect little bundle of humanity. Self-awareness may lead you to wonder about what comes next, about what happens when you die. There is no way to know, but I know there is something because energy does not disappear. Energy only transforms. You will be with God again. That I am fairly sure of because God is energy and you are energy. We are made in God's image because we are all a part of God's energy.

This might sound disconnected and random, but it is only because this is an issue the human mind has trouble making concrete. Religion has tried. Psychology has tried. We will always try, but we will always come up short until such a time as we are able to evolve past our current state of consciousness.

All this to say the following: Do not let anyone ever convince you that you are broken because you were born that way. You were not. You may have become so (I pray this never comes to pass), but you did not start that way. You were not born into an original state of brokenness. This is important to know because it means that you can rise above what ever brokenness you may be experiencing. You are not a slave to some unchangeable condition. You can become more than you are at any point in the walk of life. All you need to do is put in the effort.

You are not broken; you seek wholeness.

Your fellow in the search,

Dad

It REALLY Doesn't Matter!

I wrote a poem a few months back, which you can read here. Since then, however, my theology has continued to grow. You can easily see that I believed homosexuality to be sinful in the previous writing. I have since given up such thinking - and a great many other views which were limited understandings of God and humanity. So, I have decided to revise the poem to better reflect my stance on the issue. I will leave the original post up as a reminder that we all grow, and that we must embrace that growth, not hide from it.


Born this way or not?
It does not even matter.

For all the back and forth
Is truly silly prater.

To "love each other" is the mandate,
Which is impossible
When our relationship is based
On faulty doctrinal bull.

There is not one on earth who's apt
To look past a person's "flaw"
And love them wholly without judging
And direct conclusions draw

About how to change the inner self.
Evangelized they must be,
For if I cannot save a soul,
How Christian can I be?

But that is where the good news starts
Its not that we are broken
Evangelism is not needed
When only love is spoken.

When love is the glue
Which holds our souls together
There is no gay, no bi, no straight
Through which to spend forever.

I see a human who loves a human,
And that's all we really need.
For without love of every kind
In serious trouble are we indeed.

Your First Birthday: A Recollection

*Disclaimer: None of these images are of the actual event being described.*

Dear Carmen,

It was your first birthday yesterday. Here is an image recollection of how the evening went. Some of the faces, locations, and truths have been changed because, well, in the heat of the moment, no one thought to take pictures. I give you: Your Birthday Celebration!

Once your Mom's show choir got done singing their Christmas program for a nursing home:

Your mother decided to turn down a "road" behind the home that kind of looked like this:

Soon, the car and the truck were stuck in mud:

I looked something like this:

Mommy looked something like this:

 

I really tried to be like this though: 

 Soon, Papa, Uncle D, and Pastor Mike arrived to help get us unstuck: 

After much hard work (and Uncle D getting his truck stuck and unstuck as well), I looked like this: 

In the end, I gave your mom a kiss because I love her in spite of, and sometimes because of, her desire to cause me adventure: 

Happy birthday, kid. What will we do next year?

Dad

Rolling Down the Street

Dear Carmen,

Firstly, yes, we did take you out in public in pajamas and a winter coat. You just have to do these things sometimes.

Secondly, yes, your mother is in a wheel chair. As noted by the smile on her face, it was nothing serious. The pain was serious to her though. She wanted, however, to go out to the mall to soak up some holiday cheer. So, we got a wheel chair from guest services, and we wheeled you around the joint.

You were so excited riding on that chair. You wore your smile like a badge shouting, "I'm king of the world!" This was one of those little adventures we have come to love in our family. By the time you are reading this, hopefully, you will have experienced many others to add to this one. 

Just a boy and his mom riding around the mall in a wheel chair. To us, though, it was spontaneous enjoyment of our family. 

Your Dad

Lesson the First

Dear Carmen,

You are at a point where you are starting to figure out how things around you work. The image to the left shows a position you find yourself in at least 5 times a day now. Usually, you let me know you are stuck with a low, moaning-type cry. This time, however, I caught you with a smile. You were happily playing with your phone while half under the flooring of the pack-n-play. 

Lesson learned: Just because things aren't the way you planned them doesn't mean you can't have a little fun.

Thanks for the little tip!

Your Dad

Holy correlation, Batman!

Dear Carmen,

I cannot wait for you to be able to understand just how cool comic book fiction can be. It can be crap too, but there are many awesome lessons to be learned from the deeds of both hero and villain alike. Such is the way with the Bible as well. Rest assured, there are both within the Good Book. We will discuss their deeds in time. 

For now, I will finish watching Thor, and consider how acting out of pure emotion can lead to downfall. Remember this: before taking any action, always try to step back and give yourself time to see the situation from a place of quiet contemplation, instead of emotion. This will be extremely difficult, and you not always succeed. I have faith in your ability to be less impulsive than your father however. 

Dad

Morning Grind

When I wake in early morning,

Babbling, giggling I do hear.

 Like a feather I come creeping

Just to catch you playing there.

 Suddenly, you take a notice

Of my presence at your door.

Then, a smile comes bursting from you

Just as every time before.

I lift you swiftly, fly you higher,

Up above with arms outstretched.

Leaning in, you bring me closer.

With a baby hug I'm blessed!

Next, the kisses. Oh, the kisses!

Drooly,  slobbery, what a mess.

Trade them for a fortune never

Now, it's time to get you dressed.

Laughing, kicking, screeching, singing,

We made the mundane atmosphere

Spring alive with early mornings,

Each and every day this year.